Recently, very recently, I have again found myself without a job*. I spent a lot of time preparing to be a teacher, securing a teaching job, and three weeks into said teaching job, it wasn’t working out. I’m not going into details about it, what is done is done. Needless to say this has been an emotional time for me. Now I’m not sure where I want to go, what I want to do, or anything else. I’ll be back at the grocery store trying to get my head properly aligned with the rest of my body for the time being.
Probably one of the hardest things about the whole thing was telling my parents. They’ve put a lot of faith and support in me, and I can’t help but feel that they must be terribly disappointed in me. Bless their hearts, they didn’t show it. And of course, have offered nothing but more support but it was hard to do.
Truthfully, my dad’s reaction got me thinking. He didn’t get emotional, didn’t really ask questions. I think his reply was something along the lines of, “Well that’s too bad, would you like a beer?” And we drank a beer and talked about football. That’s my dad for you, he doesn’t let things get him worked up, at least on the outside.
Perhaps this is more of the approach I should take on. In many ways, I try not to show emotion. I’m not good at it, so I tend to avoid emotional situations, and make inappropriate comments at inappropriate times. However, I do tend to dwell on things, which probably isn’t the best way of dealing.
In reality, it can’t be healthy to sit on the couch, watching Sportscenter (a new favorite of mine, I’ve discovered the joys of not just professional sports, but professional sports coverage, which bodes well for my general productivity), and wonder what went wrong. That’s not going to change things, and it’s not going to help shape the future. I have to get off the couch, turn off the TV and do something. Then again, I’m getting paid to do nothing this week, maybe next week is the week to start.
In no way, is this to say that I didn’t appreciate my mother’s reaction and support. She’s the type of woman who will sit and cry with you, bring you lunch (and a chocolate coconut muffin), make all your favorite foods and take you to see the latest Brad Pitt movie. All of which was needed at that time. In reality I needed both her sympathy and my father’s bluntness.
At any rate, it is what it is, it sucks, and it’s done. Time to have a beer, take a shower, and ask myself what’s next?
*In all honesty, I’m not really without a job. I’m using paid time off for this week, and my first shift at the grocery store is bright and early Sunday morning.