I’ve been pretty down lately. Actually, for most of the summer.

I’m sitting here, staring at two unfinished and unpublished posts from two and three months ago and wondering what happened.

Except, I know what happened. Me, I happened.

Every so often, I fall into a sort of spiral where I feel like everything is spinning out of control. Everything. Home, work, family, knitting, it is all just spinning around and around and essentially gets me nowhere.

Husband and I have been visiting the issue of trying for another baby and finally received a green light from a doctor. A very hesitant green light, she’s concerned about my weight. She’s willing to give us three rounds of clomid though, but no more and at no higher of a dosage than 100 mg (most doctors will go up to 150 mg). After that, we will have to decide if we want to continue down this path and visit with a specialist, revisit the adoption idea, or give up and enjoy kiddo #1 as an only child.

Round 1 is done and resulted with nothing. No ovulation, so we’re gearing up for round two, with a higher dosage. However, the weeks of testing for ovulation, and tracking temps and everything else do start to wear on me. And so began my spiral.

The positive of it all is that I now recognize the signs of this spiral, and hopefully don’t have to wait for it all to come crashing down before I try to pull myself back out.

This last weekend, I spent sometime away from Husband and Kiddo to reconnect with some girlfriends from high school. It was a great weekend, and just what I needed (hopefully, there will be more on that soon).

Here’s hoping that means you’ll be hearing more from me in the near future.


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