s the end of the semester draws nearer, my workload and stress seem to be increasing. So, I am doing the logical thing, of course, by using my free time to complain about it instead of working. Well, in all fairness, I’m flipping back and forth between this screen and another so I can search for articles while I complain, I’m not happy unless I’m multitasking. At any rate, I feel the intense desire to pull out my hair many times a day.
Tuesday, everything piled on me at once and brought about a huge panic attack. I’ve been expecting this attack to come for some time now, but I actually thought it would manifest last week, when I had two presentations in one day. But like all good attacks, this one waited until I wasn’t expecting it, then struck. I suppose it is not an attack if I can predict its coming. Anyways, so I found myself in my car, on the side of the road, crying, and feeling like there was no one in the world for me to talk to. I’ve been feeling isolated a lot lately, and that may have added to the panic attack.
It is just beginning to feel like there are less and less hours each day. I’m also really beginning to resent the hell out of my drive to Eau Claire and back four days a week. I used to find it relaxing, but now I spend it dwelling on the things I could be doing if I was don’t spending almost three hours a day in my car. It probably also does not help that I’m currently listening to the world’s most annoying audio book, and I can’t stop listening to it because I can’t not finish a book. And, to top things off, the will be no new episodes of The Bugle for the next two weeks. There goes my reason for getting up on Monday mornings. (okay, I should remember that I have several previous episodes stored on my ipod for just such an occasion, so if I get desperate I can always revisit monkey news or a 60 foot roof penis. God help me, I’m a married twenty-seven year old woman, and I still find a story about a kid painting a giant penis on his parents roof funny…that’s why I love spending time with middle school students).
So, even though it is spring, I’m convinced that the days are getting shorter, not longer. Meals at home are a rare occasion. Most likely if you went into the kitchen, you would discover the only appliance not covered in dust would be my coffee makers. Yes, coffee makerS. I am the proud owner of three coffee makers, an espresso machine, a french press for everyday use, and a regular drip machine for days when the french press isn’t going to make enough coffee.
At any rate (found 1 article!), I’m recovering from the panic attack, and feel better that when comparing notes with classmates, discovering that many of them feel as overwhelmed as I. This makes me feel (found article 2, now I just need two more and I’ll be set for next week). If I’m going to be mired down with stress and work, its good to have company. So with the pile of abstracts, papers, summaries, chapter problems, assessments, essays, exams, website building, lesson plans, transition planning, and other tasks to accomplish by the end of the semester comes due, I can rest assured that I will not be the only one burning the midnight oil in the computer lab, or panicing while working and watching Doctor Who (okay, still might be the only one doing that, but what can I do, I’m a nerd.)
And it’s time for class. Hopefully, I’ll get a tighter grip on things and be able to post more, cheerier news.